Train Up A Child: Hillary Hoover

Hillary Hoover is one of the Student Ministers at the Greenville Oaks Church of Christ. She attended Abilene Christian University and has served teens for several years. Hillary is one of the wonderful staff members that I will get to serve beside very soon. 
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4 Things I’ve Learned From Observing Parents

If you don't want insight into parenting from someone who isn't a parent then consider this a fair warning. I do have a cat that I’ve kept alive for 4 years. I also have a lot of kids in my life, including four awesome younger siblings, a niece, and two nephews who I let slide down my stairs in a cardboard box yesterday, and regularly talk me into getting them ice cream. I can't give perspective from one parent to another. What I can give you is the perspective of someone who spends time with teenagers and hears sometimes subtle, sometimes not-so-subtle clues about their relationship with you. I can give you the perspective of someone who has observed a lot of parents.

In order to learn from them, I pay special attention to the parents who have good relationships with their teen. I would describe a good relationship between parent and teenager as mutual respect, positive regard for one another, and a healthy process for handling conflict. I’m sure good relationships include a multitude of other factors, and I’m aware that what I witness and interpret as a good relationship might look differently at church settings than in the home. What I’m sharing here are things I’ve seen consistently in a handful of families over time.  

Here is what I’ve observed, and some potential, hopefully practical, next steps to consider:

1. They don’t do it alone. 

They ask for help, prayer, wisdom and insight. They give and receive support from others. 

You are playing a divinely-appointed role. No one can be your child’s parent the way you can; you are irreplaceable. But, you’re not super-parent. I don’t mean that in a “you’re bad at this” kind of way. What I mean is that you probably don’t have all the answers, and you’ll probably never be able to execute flawless parenting. The hope that you ever could is rooted in a lie. The truth is that you were meant to do this in community.

As a parent, what is it you need? Do you need to be taught skills to control your anger? Do you need prayer for God to give you strength? Do you just need to talk to someone who understands? Your needs are valid, but those around you can’t read your thoughts or see into your family life to know what you need. It is your responsibility to ask for help. 

Who can help meet this need? Is it another parent? Possibly someone who could benefit from a friend on their parenting journey? Is it a youth minister or another adult who interacts with your teen regularly? Is it a caring grandparent, young-at-heart type? Is it a counselor? Maybe it’s some combination of these. 

Recognize your need, and persevere in searching for people who will walk alongside you. 

2. They show themselves grace. 

A lot of parents are really hard on themselves, but that rarely leads to productive change. Every parent has missteps, and your teen might point those out. But, if your value and security are in Jesus, then your shortcomings as a parent are opportunities for growth. Failure isn't doom, failure is learning. So give yourself grace, learn from it, and move forward.

Don’t loosen up on yourself and use grace as an excuse to keep dropping the ball in an area of your parenting that you know needs work. But, don’t be bullied by guilt into taking hard steps forward.  Ask God and a few trusted others to help you take the next step. He will see you through making that decision, setting that boundary, or having that difficult conversation. Speaking of difficult conversations…

3. They have the difficult conversations. 

As a teenager, the conversations I tried to strategically avoid, and resisted with heavy sighs, eye rolling, and sassiness were, in hindsight, some of the most meaningful and helpful long-term. It’s easy to talk about what’s for dinner, but it’s hard to talk about pornography. It’s easy to talk about college plans, but it’s hard to talk about doubting God. 

If you aren’t giving your teenager guidance and coaching, I guarantee they are getting it somewhere else. Somewhere else may be google, it may be friends (the blind leading the blind), or best case scenario it may be their small group leader at church. You can play those odds, or you can take intentional steps to prepare for the subject matter, and then trust that God will use that difficult conversation to shape your teenager to become more Christ-like. 

Spend time in prayer asking God to prepare you with wisdom for the conversation. Do your part to gain wisdom by reading up on the subject matter, and ask someone who is a few steps ahead of you for insight. 

4. They seek to listen, understand, and know their kids. 

They know things about them, like who their best friends are and what they’ve been watching on Netflix. But, they also seek to really know them. Like, what drives them, what makes them belly laugh, their spiritual health, and what kind of character they have. Your teen probably won’t know how to answer if you ask them how they’re growing spiritually, but if you’re looking and listening, they will show you.   

Grow in awareness; provide opportunities for your teen to share their thoughts, ask clarifying questions if there’s something you want to know more about (i.e. “What do you mean when you say that?”), and listen well when your teen talks.

What would you add to the list?

Train Up A Child: Marti O'Rear

Marti O'Rear is the Children's Minister at the Greenville Oaks Church of Christ. Marti graduated from Pepperdine University and has been a significant leader in the field of Children's Ministry for several years. I first learned about Marti's ministry to children and families when I attended the Highland Church of Christ in Abilene, TX. I can't wait to partner with Marti as we seek to lead families and children to follow Jesus at Greenville Oaks.
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I remember when I was a young parent and people would say, "Back in my day, it was just easier to raise my kids." Now that my daughters are grown and I am observing the lives of so many young parents, I think I can honestly say, "Back in my day, it was a whole lot easier to raise my kids." 

Please understand I am not assuming we did it better, but I believe we were not faced with as many challenges that families face today and I commend the families who are keeping a balance in their lives on behalf of their children and their family structure.

Obviously over the years since my children have grown, technology has expanded in a way that can be completely wonderful and tremendously challenging at the same time. Parents are having to make decisions as to when to introduce electronics or digital devices to be used for entertainment, communication, and education. They are having to monitor what and how it is used. The greater difficulty of it is that as adults, we also are having to learn to monitor ourselves for it indeed can get in the way of time and quality conversation taking place with our spouses and our children. It is not an easy task because we are faced daily if not hourly with the challenges of it in our work and in our homes. But from what I observe about many of our parents through actions and conversation, they are tackling the challenges. They are not allowing this to invade their desire to raise and help their children to know who God is in their lives. 

Recently in our children’s Bible classes, we talked about young king Josiah and the impact he had through reminding his people of following God one more time. He rid the country of the idols and when they discovered the Book of Law as they were attempting to rebuild the temple, he made sure it was read to the people to draw them back to God’s ways. I love what is said about Josiah: “He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and walked in the ways of his father David, not turning aside to the right or to the left.” 

May we continue to guide our children in God’s plan for them. For indeed, He does have a plan for each of them. May we not allow the challenges of life to cause us to veer to the left or to the right, but walk the path that keeps our family close to God.

I. Had. No. Idea.

10 years ago I married Holly Nicole Packer. 

I had no idea what I was doing.
I had no idea what love was.
I had no idea how loyal she would be.
I had no idea how much grace and forgiveness she would have to offer me.
I had no idea how how patient she would be.
I had no idea that she would be the reason I would stay in ministry in difficult times.
I had no idea that she would be the perfect personality to balance mine.
I had no idea what a wonderful mother she would be to our kids.

I. Had. No. Idea.

I just thought she was beautiful.

I was a 20-year old who made impulsive decisions like...a 20-year old. Like many 20-year olds in love, I'm sure people could have made good arguments against our decision to get married. But like many 20-year olds, those arguments would have only driven Holly and me to marry each other anyway just to prove them wrong.

I married her because I believed she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

And God protected us, despite our immature reasons for choosing to commit our lives to one another.

We couldn't see it at the time, but beauty will not last forever. At least, not the beauty I looked for 10 years ago.

But Holly's outward beauty (all my eyes could see at the time) paled in comparison to her inner beauty.

I. Had. No. Idea.

But perhaps that is how God keeps marriage interesting. With every passing decade, another level of beauty is unveiled. I can't wait to see what our second decade of marriage will reveal. I know there is so much more I have to appreciate that I haven't discovered yet.

Happy Anniversary Holly! I'm so grateful for your committed love that you show me on an daily basis. You have shown me the grace of God more concretely than anyone else ever has. You are a blessing to me.

You have given me three of the greatest gifts I have ever received: Maddox, Addison & Brooklyn.

May God bless the next 10 years!

And over the next decade, I can't wait to discover the things about you that will make me say again...

I. Had. No. Idea.

Train Up A Child: Life Verses

One of the special things Holly and I have done for each of our children is to select a Bible verse as a life verse for them.

It is a Bible verse we wanted to pray over them for their entire lives. Maddox has memorized his verse. Addison is in the process of learning hers. And Brooklyn has heard her verse a few times.

I'm not sure where we got the idea to do this, but we would encourage you to consider this practice for your kids.

We don't know how these verses will impact their lives, but our prayer is that God will use these Bible verses to shape them in unexpected ways.

Here are the verses we selected for each child.

Maddox Austin Packer
"He proclaimed the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ - with all boldness and without hindrance!" -Acts 28:31

Addison Grace Packer
"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and forevermore! Amen." -2 Peter 3:18

Brooklyn Kate Packer
"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." -Micah 6:8

LeBron James' "Decision" to Return Home

I'm a LeBron James fan.

And today's "Decision," is the real reason I'm a LeBron fan. Today, LeBron James announced his return to Northeast Ohio. He's leaving South Beach to return to the gritty, blue-collar city of Cleveland, a city that hasn't won a professional sports championship in 50 years.

The Cleveland Browns won the 1964 AFL Championship (before the Super Bowl existed).
The Cleveland Indians won the 1948 World Series.
The Cleveland Cavaliers have not won a basketball championship...yet.

Cleveland has the second largest championship drought for any city that has at least two major sports franchises. The only team with a longer drought is San Diego. (Which makes Tony Gwynn's legacy even more significant. You can read my article on Gwynn here.)

Legends are judged by individual accomplishments and the ability to lead their teams to championships. One without the other isn't enough.

It's what makes Lionel Messi's World Cup Final game on Sunday so important. His individual statistics will guarantee him a spot in the conversation. But if he never wins a World Cup, he can't be considered the greatest of all time.

James went to Miami to win championships. In his 4 years in Miami, LeBron won 4 Eastern Conference Championships, 2 NBA Championships, and 2 Most Valuable Player Awards.

But James' return to Cleveland doesn't merely signal a change in location. It signals a change in him as a man. And it's why James is becoming the kind of man I want my kids to emulate.

Before our eyes, we're watching the evolution of LeBron James.

His announcement was far different this time. Rather than hosting an hour-long television event to announce his move to Cleveland like he did 4 years ago, LeBron's decision was without fanfare (if it's possible to ignore the 24-hour "Breaking News" ticker on ESPN).

You can read his well-thought-out essay on his return to Cleveland here. It's well worth the read!

In the essay, LeBron is confessional. He admits if he had it to do over again, he would have left Cleveland differently. And this time around, he seems to have learned his lesson.

I don't expect to hear LeBron guaranteeing 8 rings like last time. He now knows how to win a championship and how naive it is to guarantee multiple championships. He sees the folly of his ways.

This decision to return to Cleveland isn't about cementing his legacy as the greatest of all-time. His calling is bigger than that.

And that's the exact language he used: "calling." In his essay, he said,

"But this is not about the roster or the organization. I feel my calling here goes above basketball. I have a responsibility to lead, in more ways than one, and I take that very seriously. My presence can make a difference in Miami, but I think it can mean more where I’m from. I want kids in Northeast Ohio, like the hundreds of Akron third-graders I sponsor through my foundation, to realize that there’s no better place to grow up. Maybe some of them will come home after college and start a family or open a business. That would make me smile. Our community, which has struggled so much, needs all the talent it can get."

LeBron is a man growing up before our eyes. This time around he's married with a third child on the way. He's choosing to forgive Dan Gilbert, the owner of the Cavaliers, for his spiteful letter after LeBron's departure to Miami. His return home to Ohio is about more than basketball. It's about giving hope to a region of Ohio that raised him. 

This time around, it's not about winning multiple championships for LeBron and his legacy. It's about winning a championship LeBron and his city.

LeBron has always had his haters. The "Greats" always do. 

But it's hard to hate on this "Decision."

Train Up A Child: Go To Church

We want to raise our kids to see the importance of church...which just happens to be one of the most  countercultural parenting decision these days.

After all, these are the days of the "spiritual but not religious." These are the days when its popular to criticize the church. Everyone loves Jesus. Very few seem to care much for his bride.

And I get the pushback. The church has hurt a lot of people. The church has failed to lead the way in areas of justice in the world. I work for the church, but I'm sometimes tempted to lie about my occupation when asked.

Yet, even in the midst of the frustrations I have with the church, I can't seem to give her up. I can't get away from her. I can't seem to shake her.

I grew up as a preacher's kid. I loved every minute I spent at the church. I knew every corner of the La Mesa Church of Christ. I knew the best hiding places for hide and seek. Because we were hundreds of miles away from grandparents, church was my family. We spent holidays with our church family. They became our "cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents."

I held a stained-glass picture of the church. The church was God's gift to earth. The church was God's kingdom come. The church always seemed to meet my needs and taught me how to see and care for the needs of others.

But anyone who grows up with those fulfilled expectations will eventually walk away unfulfilled. Because church is also a mess. It's filled with people who have problems. Every one of us. And if you spend enough time with enough people who have enough problems, there are sure to be unfulfilled expectations.

But part of growing up is acknowledging that all institutions creak and groan from time to time. The church is no different.

And that realization led me to start having conversations with new people who want to know more about my church. It was the conversation I had at Littleton. And it will be the conversation I'll have as long as I'm a leader in a church.

The conversation goes something like this...the guest asks: So, tell me about your church.

And I say: "I can only promise you one thing about this church. All I can promise you is that this community will disappoint you at some point. It's a matter of when, not if. We'll do our best to form your kids in the way of Jesus. I'll do my best to preach the Word of God faithfully. We'll do our best to shepherd and equip you as a disciple of Jesus Christ. But rest assured that we will fail you and disappoint you."

You can tell I went to school to be a salesman.

Then I continue: "What it means to be a church member is that when we disappoint you, will you choose on this side of that inevitable disappointment to work through your disappointment? Will you choose to reconcile instead of leaving? Because if you leave, you're going to miss an opportunity to see how the grace of God can fill the holes left by our community's failure."

It's easy to to be "spiritual but not religious." But that's not Christianity.

It's easy to love God by yourself. It's easy to love God without the church. But Jesus called us to love God and our neighbor. And without a church you're committed to, you'll never get a chance to live out the second part of the Great Commandment.

Because church isn't a perfect place for us to have our spiritual needs met.

No, no, no...church is the place where broken people come in close enough contact with one another that they experience friction and are forced to develop the Fruit of the Spirit as they work through those problems.

That's what is wrong with marriage today. We have come to believe marriage is the place where we get our needs met. That's not marriage. Marriage is the chance to live close enough to someone that we can't hide our flaws from them and they sharpen us to become the people God wants us to be.

It's the same way with church. If you're trying to find a church that will fit you perfectly and fill you up every Sunday, you misunderstand what the church is about. It's not a perfect place with perfect people. Instead, it's an imperfect people who come in close enough contact that God can shape us through the relational struggles we will inevitably face.

And that's why we want our kids to grow up in church.

Not because they need perfect attendance to make God happy.

We want our kids to grow up in church because we want them to experience a community that will inevitably wound them and heal them at the same time. We want them to live in close enough contact with people they would never choose to be in relationship with outside of the commitment of diverse people who love Jesus more than their own agendas.

We live in an age of echo chambers. We listen to our iPods with our choices of music on demand. We listen to our cable news channels that spin the facts in just the way we want them. We don't have to live in community with people who believe differently than us in many parts of our society.

But in church, we don't have a choice.

If you've been baptized, water is thicker than blood. The family of God is closer to me than my own family of origin. My tribal loyalties are less important than my kingdom loyalties.

We want our kids to value church not in order to fulfill some legalistic obligation.

We want them to value church because they live in a world where it's so easy to mold their world in a way that assures them they are right about everything.

That's not possible in church. Because it's not our church. It's not my church. It's God's church.

Is church attendance an important value to pass on to your kids? Why or why not?

Train Up A Child: Sabbath

The most important status symbol in America has nothing to do with the number in one's bank account, the size of one's home, the cost of one's car, or the location of one's vacation.

The most important status symbol in America is the busyness of one's calendar.

We love to talk about our hectic schedules with a grimace on our face and pride in our hearts. 

Holly and I want to do what we can so that our kids won't worship at the "Altar of the Full Calendar."

And one of the ways we are waging war against the god of busyness is through the spiritual practice of Sabbath. Now, on first hearing, you might think we are a Jewish family. What kind of Christian, legalistic family would bind themselves to Sabbath?

But for us, Sabbath isn't an oppressive commandment. It is a countercultural, subversive practice that reminds us we are not the most important people in the world. It forces us to face the fact that the world goes on fine without us. Sabbath reminds me that God ran the world just fine before I entered the world and he can still make it work without me each Friday.

Sabbath first emerged as the Israelites were leaving Egypt after over 400 years of slavery. It was one of the original Ten Commandments God gave to Moses on Mount Sinai. 

It wasn't meant as an oppressive command. It was one of God's ten ways to rehumanize Israelites. They had become like animals in Egypt. They worked all the time. They made bricks. They did their best to keep up with quotas. There was no rest. 

But as God sought to prepare the Israelites for the Promised Land, it was vital that he give them a rhythm of life that was sustainable. God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh. Who are we to think we are better than his 6 to 1 ratio? 

Fridays are my day off. And in this season of life prior to having kids in elementary school, we have found a rhythm of rest once a week that works well for us. It is not an oppressive day that we dread. 

Each Friday, we ask the question "What is that we can do day that will bring us life and connect with God and one another?" And our answer determines our schedule. 

It differs from week to week. 

Some Fridays we rest at home. 

Some Fridays we play games. 

Some Fridays we fly kites and teach our kids about the Holy Spirit through the wind.

Some Fridays we swim with friends.

Some Fridays we go to the zoo. 

Some Fridays we experience God in obvious ways.

Some Fridays we the name of God is rarely spoken.

Some Fridays our family gets along.

Some Fridays our family fights.

It's not always miraculous, but it is always needed. 

This schedule works in this season of life for our family. In the years to come, our commitment to Sabbath will likely change. It is not a legalistic burden. It is a life-giving rhythm that is as much a part of our life as the air that we breathe. 

We practice Sabbath because we believe rest is one of the most countercultural habits we can develop. 

We practice Sabbath because we are not animals or machines.

We practice Sabbath because we want our kids to know we are different from the rest of the world.

And we would encourage your family to consider this practice for your family as well.

What spiritual practices are you intentionally developing in your family?

A Real Sports Hero: Tony Gwynn

This past Monday, the world lost a real sports hero.

His name was Tony Gwynn.

But to be honest, I didn't realize how big of a sports hero Tony Gwynn was until it was too late.

When I was 4years old, my family moved from Abilene, Texas to San Diego, California. And soon after our move, we started becoming San Diego Padres fans. We had partial season tickets right behind home plate on the second deck of Jack Murphy Stadium for the impossible price of $7.50 a ticket. Try finding that deal today.

Tony Gwynn started out as a 2-sport athlete. On the same day in 1981, Tony was drafted by the San Diego Padres and the San Diego Clippers, the basketball franchise that would soon leave for Los Angeles.

Gwynn's physique looked a bit different in the brown and gold than it looked near the end of his career, but his physical appearance late in his career defied his athleticism. He knew how to hit the baseball.

Yet, I have to confess I never owned a Tony Gwynn jersey. I was more excited about the 2 or 3 year signees that "did their time" in San Diego before hitting the jackpot in a larger market. I wanted the autographs of guys like Roberto Alomar, Benito Santiago, Fred McGriff, and Gary Sheffield.

But Tony was the guy who stayed in San Diego all of his career. He spent 20 seasons on the Padres, a team that went to the playoffs three times in the two decades Gwynn was with the team. He was "Mr. Padre" and he earned that nickname by being loyal to a fault.

It's embarrassing to admit he was not my sports hero growing up. In an era that featured big contracts, big markets, big home run totals, and big steroid bills, Tony Gwynn was never appreciated.

There was nothing marketable about Tony Gwynn. He was never sponsored by Gatorade or Reebok. Michael Jordan wasn't concerned about Tony taking his coveted hero status at Nike.

But, man, could he hit a baseball.

Here are some stats that stand out in his 20 seasons:
-Batting Titles: 8 (More than anyone other than Ty Cobb & Honus Wagner)
-All-Star Teams: 15
-Gold Gloves: 5
-Silver Sluggers: 7
-Career Batting Average: .338
-Career Hits: 3,141
-Lowest Batting Avg. in the 19 complete seasons he played: .309
-Most strikeouts in a season: 40
-Struck out 434 times in his career. That's once in every 21 at-bats!
-Stats against Greg Maddux: 107 Plate Appearances, .415 Batting Avg., 0 Strikeouts
-Only player since 1928 to have 300 career steals and a career batting average of at least .338

My two greatest heroes over the past 2 decades have been Tiger Woods and LeBron James. They have everything Tony Gwynn didn't. They've won major championships. They look the part. They're marketable. They're cocky. One wears red every Sunday and the other wears Red every game he's played after "The Decision."

But nothing made me wonder about my choice of sports heroes until I heard about Tony's death on Monday.

Because Tony's greatest statistic isn't any of those mentioned above.

What was his greatest statistic?

World Series Championships: 0

He was loyal. He was unassuming. He played in a lousy baseball stadium where ESPN's cameras rarely visited. He could hit the baseball, but he never threw a fist pump. It wasn't about him. It was about the Padres.

But even the Padres he didn't take that seriously.

I don't remember the year, but I remember the scene vividly. My family was at Spring Training watching the Padres over Spring Break. My brother, Clark, and I couldn't have been 10 years old yet. We were looking for autographs from the usual suspects: McGriff and Sheffield. I think Rickey Henderson was in camp that year.

But as we were looking for the stars, Tony Gwynn walked right in front of us. I missed my opportunity, but Clark ran up to Tony unprepared, without a ball or baseball card to sign. All Clark had was an Atlanta Braves baseball hat.

With a sheepish look, Clark offered his hat and his pen to Tony for a signature. And I can still remember the high-pitched question Tony threw back at my brother..."Atlanta Braves????"

But he signed the hat anyway.

That was Tony Gwynn. Quiet...unassuming...without fanfare...humble.

We don't know how to pick out the real sports heroes anymore. We root for whoever Nike tells us to.

But if there was any game I would go back to if I had the chance, it would be the night of Tony Gwynn's 2,000th hit. We were there that night. But somehow I don't remember the moment. I remember Gary Sheffield's home run in the second deck. I remember Fred McGriff's 450+ ft. blast to right. I don't remember Tony's 2,000th.

And if I had it to do over again, I'd have bought that #19 jersey and worn it to every Padre game I could.

Rest in peace "Mr. Padre." RIP Tony Gwynn.
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Great Tribute to Tony Gwynn by Keith Olberman: http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=11095435&ex_cid=null

Train Up A Child: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." 
-Proverbs 22:6

I've entitled the blog series "Train Up A Child." It comes from one of the most abused passages in all of Scripture. But I think the passage deserves reclaiming.

Many Bible teachers have used this passage to promise parents..."If you parent your kids in the correct way, you have a foolproof way of ensuring your kids grow up as followers of Jesus." And because of that interpretation, countless parents have been engulfed in decades unneeded guilt. They believe they are to blame for their kids' troubles.

But Proverbs 22:6 isn't always true.

Proverbs is made up of hundreds of generally true statements. They are proverbial statements that are true much of the time, but they are far from foolproof statements without exceptions.

Proverbs should be used as positive teachings to be used in our lives.
Proverbs should not be used as negative teachings to be used to abuse people.

For example...
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
or you yourself will be just like him." -Proverbs 26:4

That seems straightforward.
Until...you read the next verse.

"Answer a fool according to his folly, 
or he will be wise in his own eyes." -Proverbs 26:5

So, which is it? Should we answer a fool according to his folly or not?

Well, it depends on the situation.

These are not foolproof promises. They are wise statements that fit some situations and don't fit other situations.

But back to Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child..." Just because there are circumstances where Proverbs 22:6 isn't true, doesn't mean we should disregard the verse in our parenting.

One of the ways we are trying to raise our kids to follow Jesus is by "smoking what we sell." Or another way to say it is, "Actions speak louder than words."

Preachers' kids (PKs) have a certain kind of reputation. We get the questions a lot. "So, your kids are PKs, huh? Better watch out for those kids."

One of the reasons PKs have gotten that reputation is because PKs often see two different pictures of the preacher. There's "Stage Preacher" and there's "Dad." "Stage preacher" has a smile on his face, knows how to make small talk, and talks a good game when it comes to following Jesus. But sometimes "Dad" doesn't live as radical a life as he preaches. And that cognitive dissonance is difficult for children to sort through.

The most important thing a parent can do to give one's kids a head-start on their spiritual journey is to live an authentic life of faith in front of them every day. It's not enough to have a devotional and prayer time each night and attend church weekly. Our kids will only see how important faith is if it makes a difference in our lives. Actions speak so much louder than words.

We love to think our words are the most powerful way we express our beliefs. Wrong!

The surest way to know what we believe is by looking at our actions.

We act out of our deepest beliefs about the world.

For example, many people would say that they value saving for retirement. But statistics show that far fewer people are putting money away for retirement. So, what does one truly believe? Our actions reveal our beliefs.

Many people can talk about their belief in the importance they place on physical health. Yet, very few people make a habit of eating well and exercising regularly. Our actions are a better indicator of our beliefs than our words.

I love how Jesus ends the Sermon on the Mount. He tells a story about two men. One is wise the other is foolish. How can you tell the difference between the wise and foolish man?

Jesus says, "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man...But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man..." (Matthew 7:24a, 26a)

The difference between wisdom and foolishness isn't one's IQ or level of education. The difference isn't what one claims to believe. The difference has to do with action. Are you practicing the way of Jesus or just giving lip service to it?

Our kids need to see how our faith makes a difference in our lives. Our kids need to know how important God is to us. They see us in our most difficult moments. Our reactions let them know our level of sincerity in our relationship with God.

From the beginning, Holly and I wanted to train up our kids to follow Jesus.

What we didn't know was that the most important training didn't happen in our discipline plan, mealtime prayers, or bedtime devotional time. The most important training of our kids occurs when we decide whether or not we will train as apprentices of Jesus every day when the sun comes up.

How are you training (your kids)?

Train Up A Child

As Holly and I started having kids, we realized the huge spiritual task that was ahead of us.

Holly and I started our family almost 5 years ago. I can still remember the feeling I had when I held Maddox in my arms for the first time. I felt a huge weight on my shoulders. I was also holding a bundle of potential in my hands.

We would be the first people to paint on our kids' blank slates a picture of who God is. Any dysfunctional views of God they might hold one day would likely originate in the early years of parenting we would provide for our kids.

We were excited. Holly was a natural mother. I was an awkward, unnatural father. But we have three of them and fortunately all three are still living.

As Maddox grew older, we began to realize the importance of intentionally forming our kids to be faithful followers of Jesus. And we continue to experiment and learn ways to do just that.

Today, we have three kids.

Maddox is 4.

Addison is 3.

Brooklyn is almost 6 weeks old.

If you're anything like us, you long for the day when your children will proclaim Jesus as Lord and commit to live their lives for God and his kingdom. We want them to see faith as a daring journey rather than a boring list of rules to follow. We want them to do extreme things for Jesus that will make us uncomfortable.

How do you raise kids in this world to live for Jesus?

I've heard it said that nobody with kids in the house should ever give advice to other parents.

And I agree. But with that warning in place, I hope to provide some space on this tiny corner of the internet for a conversation about raising children who follow Jesus in this culture.

Over the next few weeks, I will write a series of posts describing a few things Holly and I are doing to raise our kids to love and follow Jesus. It's not a comprehensive list. It's a list that grows and changes day-by-day. Perhaps a few things will be worth adding to your repertoire. And I hope you'll engage the conversation and add to our list as well.

Let's start the conversation with a question: If you have a mission statement as parents for raising your kids, what is it? If not, decide on one and post it in the comments section. 

Closing One Chapter, Opening a New Chapter

In 2008, Holly and I packed our bags and left Abilene, Texas with our sights set on a call from God to Denver, Colorado. I was 24-years old and the Littleton Church of Christ offered me a job to come and preach for them.

But today, that chapter of our story has come to an end. 

I have accepted a job as the preacher at the Greenville Oaks Church of Christ in Allen, Texas. 

And today, I understand better than ever before the adjective "bittersweet." 

It was very difficult to announce our resignation at Littleton this morning. After all, these are people we have come to know and love deeply. They have seen me grow from an extremely young preacher to a young preacher. The people of Littleton have become our family away from family. Our relationships are battle-tested. We have laughed and bled together for the sake of God's mission.

At the same time, we are very excited about what God is doing among his people in Allen, Texas at the Greenville Oaks Church of Christ. While our relationships are not yet fully-developed there, we anticipate building life-long friendships with a church situated to do audacious things for the sake of God's kingdom in Collin County.

Bitter...sweet

But if becoming a father of three has taught me anything over the past few years, it is that our capacity to love expands as a family grows larger. 

When Holly and I had our second child, Addison, I wondered how I could love her as much as my first-born son, Maddox. But as our family expanded, my newfound love for Addison did not necessitate loving Maddox any less. No! Our hearts expanded and our capacity to love grew again when Brooklyn entered the world a few weeks ago.

We know God called us to Colorado. These have been special years. We will always look back fondly on our time at Littleton. Just look at the changes to our family over the past six years. 

Few young preachers can claim the support of a first congregation like I can. Far too many of my friends who entered ministry after leaving Abilene Christian University have already left full-time ministry. Churches have a way of recommissioning ministers as insurance agents (no offense to the insurance agents of the world). Ministry is hard. And many churches don't make it any easier. 

These past six years have been full of challenges (as in every church). And those challenges have grown me in ways all of the successes in the world never could have. But those challenges would have destroyed me had it not been for an incredible group of elders who encouraged me on Mondays when they should have critiqued me. Our growing family would have faced challenges alone had it not been for the many "family members" who loved on our kids, blessed my wife, and took us in on holidays. And I would have ditched preaching and gone to "law school" had it not been for mentors, preachers, and staff members who helped "extremely young Collin" become "young Collin."

A chapter has closed and tears flowed today. I wish the Littleton Church of Christ nothing but the best in the days ahead because a new chapter is about to begin for you!

And for the Packers, a new era is about to begin.

There's a new chapter about to be written. And we couldn't be more excited to begin our journey with the congregation, elders, and staff at the Greenville Oaks Church of Christ in Allen. 

Greenville Oaks, get your pens out. God has a script that is larger than our imaginations can dream. 

Meet Luke Norsworthy: A Church Planter's Take on the E Word

Luke Norsworthy is the founding pastor of the Venture Community, an inter-denominational church in the Dallas suburb of Corinth, TX. Luke hosts the Newsworthy with Norsworthy Podcast, a weekly podcast discussing spirituality, Christianity, and anything else that seems Newsworthy. I am a weekly listener of the show and would highly recommend that you subscribe to his podcast on iTunes.
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If we fight a war and win it with H-bombs, what history will remember is not the ideals we were fighting for but the methods we used to accomplish them. These methods will be compared to the warfare of Genghis Khan who ruthlessly killed every last inhabitant of Persia. -Hans Bethe (the nuclear physicist who during World War II was head of the Theoretical Division at the secret Los Alamos laboratory which developed the first atomic bombs)

A few months ago I was struggling to finish my work out at my gym when a guy in his forties walks over to me to strike up a conversation. He doesn’t seem to notice or care that I’m in the middle of my workout. I’m fine with his interruption because I try to make people more important than workouts. Or at least I do on a good day. And this was one of those good days.

The conversation quickly devolves into a monologue and the preacher isn’t the one giving the speech. The guy starts telling me a story about how he’s gotten in the best shape of his life. I am hearing the story because of my ears, but I am having trouble believing the story because of my eyes. Then he tells me the magic shortcut to how he’s gotten to this current level of fitness, some new health product.

And guess what? It’s my lucky day because he just so happens to sell that very product. And double guess what? He’s got samples in his bag right here. He will even give a sample to me, and all he wants in return is my phone number.

With all due respect to Dickinson, I don’t like a sales pitch on slant.

A few weeks later, my workout partner, also named Luke, had just informed me that the older gentleman walking over to talk coached him in junior high. And he wasn’t just any coach, but his favorite coach.  He hadn’t seen him for years and Luke was noticeably excited to reconnect with him.

Luke took a few steps towards him, so I wasn’t in the whole conversation, but I did hear his coach say,

“I’ve got something I really want to tell you about Luke. It’s an easy way to make some money. Easy money my man.”

From a few feet away I could see the feelings of excitement of reconnecting sour.

I’m a church planter and I don’t like evangelism. That’s like a beach town police chief being scared of the water. 

But I’m really not afraid of evangelism, as in the Biblical version of it. You know, telling the Good News. What I’m really afraid of is the commodification of relationships caused by “friendship evangelism.” I love the desire to tell your friends about Jesus, but what concerns me is the dark side of using your friendships for evangelism.  When your friendships become used as a place to sell people, no matter how good the product is, there is a problem. 

When you steer conversations so blatantly to make a pitch for your church or your religion that you make people feel like you only care for them if they come to your church, there is a problem. And the problem is with you.

In his book Money, Possessions, and Eternity Randy Alcorn tells the story of a couple having dinner with some longstanding Christian friends when the host “accidentally” spills some gravy on the table clothe. While cleaning the stain he began a pitch describing the cleaning product along with the company that sells the cleaning solution. That sales pitch ended and so did the longstanding relationship, not because they tried to sell them on a product, but how they did.

Ruth Carter, in Amway Motivational Organizations: Behind the Smoke and Mirrors, argues that of the 45 million who have been involved in multi-level marketing, only 1% have made a profit with only 1/10 of that 1% making the large profit. The few who succeed, which included Ruth Carter, often pay a terrible personal and relational price. If we are going to use similar methods of selling Christianity, should we expect any different results?

So am I saying you shouldn’t evangelize with your friends? No.

Our church has half a dozen families that have at some point or another gotten connected from that same gym. So on first glance it might appear that I’m a hypocrite, but I think what I do is different.

And I think there is a way to tell if it is different: How you treat people. If you treat people better if they come to your church or cut off the relationship because they don’t come to your church, there’s a problem.

I’m obviously assuming people have a spirituality that’s deep enough to be discussed naturally in conversation and I’m assuming people are committed to creating a community worth inviting people to join. If neither of those are the case, then you probably need to go back to Evangelism 101 because you have to be smoking what you are selling.

Jesus once said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” If our evangelistic approach doesn’t pass that rule, then as my more rural friends would say, “That dog just don’t hunt.” We communicate our message in the way that we communicate it. If we befriend people just to build a relationship to convert them, then our message is that you aren’t worth being a friend without converting. When we treat people with dignity, respect ,and compassion, then we have a message worth proclaiming that doesn’t require sales pitches and guided conversations. 

And that’s some good news.  

Meet Justin Thompson: A Missionary's Take on the E Word

Justin Thompson is a missionary in Lima, Peru. I asked Justin to write because I know him to be a humble disciple of Jesus and the Littleton Church of Christ happens to partner with the Thompsons. Justin is blessed to walk this life with his wife Alison. They have three children - Cailyn, Corban and Carter - and are set to welcome Chloe to the family in July. As Christ followers and missionaries, the Thompsons are committed to sharing the gospel with the Peruvian people, desiring to make disciples of Jesus.

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As a foreign missionary in Lima, Peru, most people would probably assume that I'm a gifted evangelist. Most would probably figure my abilities in this area are sharp and refined. If only that were true. Evangelism, believe it or not, is one of the biggest things that has caused me to feel guilt in my calling as a missionary. I know that evangelism is important, yet there are times when I attempt to justify my struggles with evangelism as a means for leaving it to the folks who are clearly gifted to be evangelists.

Now please don't misunderstand me. I've grown as an evangelist in my five years on the field. Would I call myself a "gifted" evangelist? Not yet. Hopefully someday. But I've certainly learned a few things that have helped me become a better evangelist. Even more so I think that I've learned to ask for the Lord to gift me more in this area.!

So what is it that I have learned about evangelism as a foreign missionary?!

I have to be a student of society and culture. As a stranger in a foreign land, I daily face a plethora of societal and cultural differences that force me to consciously deal with issues and scenarios. When I lived in the States, culture was more subconscious and was something that I reflected on less. So why should I be a student of society and culture? Because the good news we have in Jesus is something that we should aim at the heart. Society and culture reveal the accepted norms surrounding us, whether good or bad, and give us a better idea of how to share the gospel. Allow me to give two examples.

Example 1. Peru is a very familial culture. It's not uncommon to see multigenerational homes. There is certainly a core to their identity that revolves around family. In contrast, American culture is more individualistic. While there is generally a familial core, there can be great distance between members. In the States, my approach to evangelism has been much more individualistic while my approach in Peru leans more towards a familial type of evangelism. We (my teammates and I) have evangelized in both ways during our time in Peru, and it is overwhelmingly obvious that our evangelism among families has been vastly more potent compared to our evangelism among individuals. Neither way is better except when we take into account the societal and cultural forces that define our contexts. By studying society and culture, we come to understand our surroundings better, and thus we formulate methods of evangelism for our particular context.!

Example 2. Peruvian education lacks the breadth and quality of an education from the States. By education I am specifically speaking of public school education. Peruvian education teaches students the answers without teaching the methods or invoking the creativity to arrive at those answers. The education in many ways is a regurgitation of whatever information is presented. The States, in a much more holistic way, teaches us to question and experiment. There is a more of an experiential degree to learning when compared to the Peruvian context. I have seen culturally shaped evangelistic methods in Peru that reflect their educational system, which cause people to speak about the Bible as something to be regurgitated as opposed to God's redemption story. In most of these cases, however, I fail to see the evangelist's concern for heart transformation. In my humble opinion, we cannot fail in this same way. Jesus cares more about our heart's transformation than he seems to care about our ability to blindly regurgitate the Law.

Thus, in my humble opinion, being a good evangelist requires that we be students of society and culture. We certainly are creatures of our environment, and this environment can teach us many things about speaking to the hearts of others.

In general, my methods of evangelism have been far too complicated. What I mean here is that I tend to overthink how I should present the good news. Good news does not need build up. It does not need me to make it better news because it is already good news. I don't give the Good News it's power. It has that without me. Also, it's not just my tendency to overthink, it's also my propensity to think that what I am teaching needs to impress others. This, for me, is simply a lie. I have been struck time and time again by Paul's words to the Corinthians, "When I came to you I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God... My message and my preaching we're not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." Paul understood the Corinthian culture. Moreover, he didn't overdress the Good News to "give it it's power," he was resolved to know nothing except for "Jesus Christ and him crucified." We don't need to doctor up the Good News. We simply need to share it.

What I think is clear about evangelism is that it is proclamation. It is something that requires us to speak. It requires that we share the Good News wherever and whenever. I, for one, am not great at doing this. I tend to overanalyze and overthink situations before I share the Good News. I don’t think it should be this difficult.

Evangelism needs relationship. In evangelism, I believe my desires in sharing the Good News should reflect what Jesus desired. He desired repentance (turning away from an old lifestyle to live a new one) and participation in the kingdom (the kingdom here and now). This is where I think my own personal actions and lifestyles carry their weight. My words should proclaim who Jesus is. And then my actions should validate those words. Thus, as I proclaim the Good News to others and allow these same people to experience life and relationship with me, the message I share will be more potent and find more validity. (I am not saying that the potency or validity of the Good News comes from me. I am only trying to speak towards a practical understanding of doing evangelism, though I hope this goes without saying.) We see the same type of evangelism taking place between Jesus and the disciples. He proclaimed to them the Good News and allowed them watch him as he proclaimed the Good News. This is the same Good News that he later commissions them to carry into all the world. The disciples’ desire to evangelize came from their experiences of proclamation and observation. Jesus invited them to repent and participate in the kingdom. Relationship fused the two, and this gives us practical insight into the nature of what I consider to be good evangelism.

I have primarily spoken here in the first person because I hesitate to make implications that others need to do evangelism as I do evangelism. In actuality, I would rather people evangelize better than I do. However, I do hope that we can sharpen each other to grow as evangelists. Sharing the Good News with others can be intimidating. Yet, we can’t overlook our need as a church to better do evangelism. We have good news to share and a world that wants to hear it (whether they know it or not).